And then I asked myself: Do I really want to turn 18?

And then I asked myself: Do I really want to turn 18?

It was around 9 p.m. when I was sitting on a white bench in a school park after running. I was quite tired. This bench became my best friend for a short while. I turned my head towards the gloomy sky and let my thoughts flow with the spring, salty air blowing through the fresh, green trees. I knew this moment was special. Breathing in. May 11, 2016. One last night of being (officially) a child. 

On the real though, I can’t tell I feel like turning into an adult. Honestly, I am a great deal away from reaching this feeling. Which is actually surprising, since as a small girl, I remember I have always wanted to finally become the big girl. Now, when I am almost there, I can’t really understand it. Believe it or not - I wouldn’t without experiencing it - it is a strange situation. It’s like you’re balancing on the edge between the seemingly never-ending childhood and the untold future of a grown-up.

I personally long for staying a child. Just imagine how easy a life of an underage is. Dodging responsibilities. Paying less for an entrance. Not necessarily having to work, because “those obligations come later in life”. Being illegal. Getting Christmas presents from your parents, without feeling guilty for not giving them any (such a childish egoism). Enjoying school time with friends. Always getting a lift and not driving anyone to anywhere. All those excuses and little things, which we barely pay attention to, we just live with them. I know they are not all going to end with me turning 18 (there is always space in life for excuses, right?), but I am slowly getting concerns about becoming more and more independent. Yes, self-reliance may seem exciting, but only when it’s far away to achieve. You set certain goals in life, which you desire to reach later on. But when the time-bomb blows up and you have to take decisions, in fact, all you want to do is hide somewhere… anywhere. However, life goes on.

Despite of that, I definitely don’t feel so pessimistic as it seems. There are trillions of advantages brought by adulthood, though I think most of you are familiar with them. First of all, it is the feeling of being a little smarter. Spending one school year in Vienna gave me the opportunity to understand some things, which I hadn’t realized before. I know that I am a little egocentric. But then again, I know it, so it’s not that bad, right? I know I can’t please everyone. I know I have great friends who I can trust. I know that my family trusts me, too. I know I should think twice before saying something, although I am usually not able to. I know I should be a lot more patient. I know I don’t have to worry about what others think of me, because they don’t. I know plenty of things, but “all I know for sure is that I know nothing”. To all of you who turn 18, there is one thing I want to say. We are one step forward, but this step is actually not so wide as we think.